"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

In conversation, I often mention that I'm putting paperwork to cross train into a different career field. It isn't that m job is awful, it's just not for me. People fly and love to fly. I love to fly commercially as a passenger, but I'm not so keen on the added responsibilities that flyer's have. That's just me though.

So when I say this people often ask me what job I want to cross train into. Well, there's a few. Mainly they are the ones on the ground that wear their blues often, but there are some that stand out.

I do plan on auditioning for AFN (or Armed Forces Network) hopefully as a radio personality. TV's fine, but I don't feel it is where I would excel. I also want to put in to be a journalist for the Air Force.

These are both dream jobs, sure, but I've been told all my life that I have a vivid personality that would work for entertainment but a face that demands to be seen on the radio. I've also been told from a young age that I am excellent in writing and over the time that I have been writing, especially things like the 5th Fret, I feel like I've been honing my style into something that is both unique and awesome.

I'm not trying to brag or anything. I've read a ton of official or semi-official documents and they are dry as dirt. Who would WANT to read that? And I'm not even trying to write official documents, but articles for base newspapers or magazines. I think my conversational style of writing would come across well.

At least, since writing for the 5th Fret I haven't received any hate mail saying that my writing is crap.

However, recently I've begun to doubt my writing ability. I can't help but feel passed over when something else gets more attention. I'm sure there's a childhood psychological reason to this, but it makes me feel that perhaps I'm not good enough.

After all, tons of people tell other people that they are great singers - amazing singers and if they went on American Idol they would win for sure. The people then go to the audition and find out they aren't good at all and that their friends were just being nice.

It's hard to take that pill. I write and think I'm good at it, other people say I'm good at it, it feels good to be behind the keyboard, typing away, sometimes just watching my fingers FLY and think to myself this is fun. Because it is. It's fun and it seems to be a talent.

I'm not complaining too loud about a particular event or anything because it isn't just ONE event, but it definitely does feel like I'm being ignored and maybe it IS because I'm not good enough.

And if I'm not good at something that I genuinely think I'm talented at, how good am I at anything else?

Ah well. Dont' worry about me, I'll bounce back. I always do. And I'll probably write even more when I do. Maybe if I'm not good enough now, I just need more practice. Charles Schulz was of that mind and look where he ended up. I just need to keep working at it and keep putting things out there.

Until then it's nice to have this seperate space to vent when things aren't going all that well. Charles Schulz didn't have that. He ended up going a little nuts because of it.

-Russ