A Noble Attempt

If you’re reading this, that means you’ve reached the end of the well of blogs I had built up to cover the time that I am deployed.

When you think about it though, it wasn’t that bad. I came back to Georgia in mid January, and started writing and today is the 9th of February. So if today’s February 9th and that isn’t the date that this blog came out, that’s pretty great, right? In the past month I’ve built up more than a month into the future AND published at least one blog per day, so I don’t think I’m doing too bad.

Unfortunately, I didn’t do good ENOUGH and as a result, you’re reading this.

I apologize to you.

Apparently, even though I can blog quite a bit, I’m not nearly as verbose as I thought I was.

Oh well. I’ll come back eventually and get this ball rolling again.

I just hope you’ll come back too.

Podcast CRAZY!

I have a long trip ahead of me and thought it would be cool to bring both of my iPods, the new 8gb nano with all of my favorite music on it as well as some new CDs that I either haven't heard or feel I haven't given a fair enough shake, and a few podcasts as well (and photos too) and the older 40gb model that will be brought out there with the same music on it (so one can charge while I listen to the other one).

Since the much older 40gb model will have less than, say, 6gb of music on it there's a lot of space to fill and I am all for hearing something new and trying things out.

So I went on iTunes and went podcast crazy.

The podcasts that I will be bringing with me are as follows:

The Adam Carolla Radio Show (over 7,500 podcasts in that one)

Book Chat with Rainn Wilson where he interviews Slash

Gibson.com's audio podcast

Guitar Music Theory Lessons

Guitar Player Podcast

The Guitar Shop Podcast

How To Play Guitar

Jazzpath Podcast

Monster Guitar Podcats (who's length is not so monster)

Premier Guitar Podcast

Pro Tone Pedals Podcast (I've listened to them all already, but the music in them is something I need to dedicate more time to)

Rock Star Guitars and Rigs

Stuff Mom Never Told You (bound to be entertaining)

Stuff You Missed In History Class

Stuff You Should Know

And my personal favorite Six String Bliss

I've got a TON of stuff to listen to now and tons of variety too.

I'm pretty excited.

AND IT WAS ALL FREE!!! FFFFRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

iTunes / eMusic

I've been reading reviews of eMusic all morning (because I woke up early, was bored, and curious about the site). The whole reason I'm reading reviews of it is because they don't really let you go in and poke around on your own, instead offering you 25 free downloads for trying the program out or 50 free downloads for subscribing (plus the number of downloads you bought). Without being able to peruse the catalog, how was I to know if this would be something I would be interested in?

I mean, have you ever seen a CD store in a strip mall and decided to go in only to find that the ENTIRE store catered to a specific genre that you did not like? It's happened to me a couple of times and I felt pretty disappointed. Just imagine how disappointed I would feel if I had to give them my credit card even if they promised me they wouldn't use it before going in and seeing they had nothing I want.

So there's a little tip, eMusic. Open up the catalog.

But their subscription plan is what REALLY entices me. For about $12.00 you get 30 songs of your choice. They also say there are free songs every day which I think it cool because it seems to me that this would most likely be used or allowed by bands that are just starting out that you probably wouldn't be interested in/find on your own so while it's sure to be hit and miss, those hits will be unexpected.

Cnet's review of eMusic said that while it was all well and good with the prices, the program and the interface (though a little confusing to the novice they say) eMusic does not really stock mainstream music.

I don't know if this is still true because I can't look at the freaking catalog.

And I'm not a really big mainstream guy. There are some mainstream bands I like: Metallica and Fall Out Boy jump to mind immediately but most of the stuff I listen to, my neighbors would have never heard of, even if the band is pretty popular in their own right (Alkaline Trio, the Misfits, the Quakes, etc etc). So while I'm not a huge mainstream guy I DO like the ability to choose that if I want. Just because something is mainstream doesn't mean it's bad (same goes for pop music), so I'd like to peruse that as well.

Now, if iTunes were to offer a subscription-based plan for the same price I would be all over it. You have from the 1st of the month to the last day of the month to download your 30 tracks (or more because there are more expensive plans) and there will be no carry-over with unused tracks. You can't bank them.

But here's a cool little tip I thought of. You should be able to drop the songs you want into your subscription cart and not be limited in the amount of songs you can have in there. Then arrange them as you see fit and click download and it'll download the first thirty songs on the list. This way if you're out of town for months like when I go out of town, you can tell your wife that all she needs to do is click download and that's it.

Another complaint I hear about eMusic is the lack of "a la cart" option where you can buy song by song. iTunes already has that in the bag so that problem is already solved, though personally, if I could get 30 downloads for $12.00 and after that it would be $1.00 per song, I would just be patient and wait for the next month.

So somewhere between these two companies is a system that works perfectly. If iTunes offered a subscription-based service that was cheaper considering that the money would practically be guaranteed to come in every month, that would be great. It would be nice if they offered more indie stuff too. It would also be great if eMusic let you look at their catalog before giving them your card information and had more mainstream music (apparently).

But since I'm already using iTunes, I say "Come on iTunes! Let's get the music to the people at a lower price on a subscription-based service!"

Space Saver Bags

Whenever I see ads on TV I almost immediately say to myself that no matter how great the product looks, it's bound to be crap. That's how I was raised.

The more I have experiences with products that were advertised on TV though, the more I doubt that idea.

Sham-Wow. They do make a very handy bathroom mat to soak up the dripping water, and they make an even better spill picker-upper. Annie spilled water all over the carpet and it was picked up in a jiffy. Now true, it was just water so it's not like I'm vouching for its ability to pick up stains too, but still. That one spill probably saved me half a roll of paper towels.

And now the Space Saver bags.

You've probably seen these. Huge plastic bags you stuff your clothes or belongings into and then you close the bag and attach a vaccuum's hose to it and suck out all the air. It compresses the clothes and you're left with something that doesn't take up much space at all.

I personally use them for packing on long trips as it cuts down on the bulk of the bag I'm packing but I can see using them for bedding at home. I really like flannel sheets in the winter time so those can be stored in the bag along with the comforter and the other parts of the set (because I'm sure there's a set) for as long as I like and then when the time comes I can just pull it out, unzip it and everything pops back up. It's crazy!

So if you need a little more storage, give these bags a shot. I think they're pretty cool.

The Kindle Experiment

It's no secret I want an Amazon Kindle. I think the potential for the device is pretty great, even if it is never realized. I also think it would be very cool to stop cluttering up the house with books because even though I love the look of stacks and stacks of books, I do move a lot and I'm not too keen on lugging them all around.

And since I blog I figured I'd go ahead and make a promise now about an experiment.

If I ever do get a Kindle I will keep track of the purchases made on it and their cost vs. buying them at the bookstore AND as a book on Amazon.com. This will not be a padded list and when I do buy the books it will be on that day or at the most that week when I go to the store to see if the books is available there (or newspaper) and check on Amazon's own website to see how much the most current version of the book costs. If I'm late to the game and the most current version is an eight dollar paperback, that'll be what makes the list because it will be about what I COULD have done instead.

I'm incredibly curious if over the course of, say, a year, that the amount of money saved would surpass the amount charged for a Kindle.

A Stroke of Genius?

I'll admit, I'm a bit (a lot) of a nerd, but I've never reached my nerdy potential. I can feel it, the potential, but I've never been able to reach it, mainly because I don't have any time to dedicate to the start-up or up-keep of RPG characters. I don't have access to 1) many people I'd like to play with, 2) baby-sitters or 3) the amount of people needed to play something like Dungeons and Dragons for instance.

But I'm not keen on starting something in a video game as a way to try to fill that hole. There's something cool I associate with the pencil and paper kind of games and WoW isn't going to fill that hole.

So I say how come you can't play something like Dungeons and Dragons or some other RPG game on an IM?

Imagine: You set up a game of however many people are playing and the person running the game to the same messenger, and set aside a particular time where everyone can get to a laptop or home computer and play. Just so long as they promise to stay honest with the dice rolls, I don't see it as being too bad.

It's definitely something I'd like to try.

If I Could Turn Back Time

I'm sure you've thought "if only I could go back in time and tell myself this or that," right? It's natural.

I often think about it and say things like if I could go back in time I wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy on a girlfriend who didn't deserve it. I would have told myself to pay attention in college so I would have had more options than just joining the military. I would have told myself that if I COULDN'T pay attention in school to save some money and not buy DVD's so I could mail clothes and whatnot to Arizona where we fled to after college because the car we drove was full and I had to trade an amp that I liked for an amp that I didn't.

I traded a Mesa Boogie 2X12 cab and a Marshall head for a Marshall combo that was wired wrong and didn't sound all that great BUT it was smaller and therefore OK for the trade.

That was a bad move. The head wasn't go great but I really wish I had that cab.

Anyway, I would have told myself to move away from home much earlier and spare myself a lot of grief. I would have told myself to work more and save some money to buy some quality stuff (again, don't buy DVD's Past Russ. They'll only sit on the shelf) that I would use.

I also would have told myself that even though I have this potential to go back in time and warn against things, that it is probably those things that make my life what it is and frankly, I like my life a lot.

I had to foolishly dedicate myself to a girl who didn't like me for anything more than a security blanket so that I could feel the gut-wrenching pain of the breakup. I had to, so when I met my wife I could make a conscious decision about just what exactly it is I'm giving her. It's awfully tough to give someone the potential to break your heart knowing how bad it hurts. Falling in love the first time is easy.

I had to work a horrible job or I wouldn't have met my wife. I had to drop out of college or I wouldn't have moved to Arizona or joined the military and honestly the military isn't so bad especially in these days. Sure, there are some hiccups and wrinkles, but I challenge you to find a job that doesn't have those.

Honestly, if given the opportunity to go back in time and warn myself about things, I wouldn't change anything major. I definitely wouldn't amass a collection of DVDs and I wouldn't have sold or traded some of my gear. Sometimes I really miss my LTD Explorer (the lawsuit version) and the lack of having a 2X12 cab is the lack of having more amps. It's frustrating.

But other than that, I'd leave myself alone.

I wouldn't want to change then's future or what is the current time.

I just hope the rest of life is like that.

Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days where you think "if I just get through today, I'll be fine?"

Today's one of those days, but more importantly, this year is one of those years.

There's a lot of change coming this year in my personal life and while happy and excited for every bit of it, I can't help but feel a bit apprehensive too. I mean, come on, change - even when good - is still change and most times change takes some getting used to. When you first have a kid, there might be a few minutes/hours/days/months before you feel like a parent. You're just adjusting to the change of being a parent.

Hopefully that moment of feeling comes to you eventually though.

So right now, I'm a bit nervous and excited but so much of this year is wondering what's coming NEXT year and next year is when some big changes are official. This year is just a countdown more or less.

Besides my Peanut. That's happening this year at the end of July actually. I'm pretty stoked.

Tons of stuff on the horizon! It's a beautiful scenery! I hope it doesn't turn into a raging 15 year torrent of rain and misery!

Attention People! I'm Here To Help!

I feel it is my duty to come to you people and inform you that you are being emotionally, and mentally manipulated. I know in these days it’s almost expected, but it is completely and totally true.

And what’s worse than the fact that you are being manipulated is that everyone saw how easily it was done and as a result everyone and their mom is trying to dog-pile on you.

But I’m not going to let that happen to you.

OK, here we go.

Thomas Beadie made headlines all over the place with a picture of him obviously pregnant. The headline was obviously attention grabbing saying something like “Man Pregnant” and instinctively the knee began to jerk.

Thomas Bedie started out life as a woman and is a trans-gender. I do not know if this is STILL called a disorder as so often misunderstood things are labeled as “disorders” until someone gets a good grasp on it and then it’s just another thing. Look at homosexuality.

Anyway, Thomas’ wife is infertile so Thomas manned up and got pregnant for her. I think that would qualify as the best present you could give someone and would automatically get you out of all Valentine’s Days, anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas’ for the rest of eternity.

“Honey what are you going to get me for my birthday?”

“That would be the child out on the swing, sweetie.”

Anyway, the fact that this “man” was really a woman was the source of all sorts of confusion and knee-jerking. If you just flat out went up to someone and said “a man is pregnant” then that would illicit an entirely different reaction than if you were to say “a woman who wants to be a man is pregnant.”

Because you know what that boils down to? A woman is pregnant.

And as awesome as that is, it’s nothing so spectacularly out of the ordinary that you say “WHAT?!?!”

So there you go. Nothing to worry about, folks. It isn’t worth the research, it isn’t worth the attention.

It is NOT “opening up the world to more diverse things.”

My question is why is Thomas writing for a gay magazine? I mean, he’s supposedly a man, yes? He’s got the beard, he looks like a dude, he’s got a wife and kids. I mean, that would be like if I wrote for a gay magazine.

Which doesn’t really sound like a bad idea as I think that homosexuality is really no big deal and more straight people need to come out and say so. I think homophobia is just plain silly and should be exposed as such, not as “the norm.”

But there you go, all sorts of people are supplying half-stories and half-truths in an effort to freak you out and practically force you to read what’s supplied, watch what’s broadcasted and engage in horribly emotional debates about what’s right, wrong, natural and unnatural.

The naturality of this is pretty cut and dry when you get down to it.

How Come?

How come, when I go to Books-A-Million I see entire ROWS of books filled with the Bible, Books about the Bible, religious history, religious journals, devotionals, etc. etc. but I can’t find books about the occult?

Now look: I am not a fan of the occult in the sense that I’m a devil worshipper, but I don’t like being fed select stories and ideas by National Geographic. I like doing my own reading, my own research. I do NOT like feeling like I’m entirely out of the loop.

It’s a minor annoyance, I guess, but it gets under my skin like nothing else. I wish Nat Geo would say “like this show? Want to learn more? Check out THESE books.”

And then I wish bookstores would stock them.

Them and the Anarchist Cookbook. Not because I particularly want to BUY the Cookbook, but because I think we should be able to get any book we want.

To quote Rage Against The Machine:

“You don’t got to burn the books, you just remove them.”

Husband Tip #1

My grandfather, who died before I got a real opportunity to get to know him, apparently really had a grasp on philosophies for life.

The story goes like this: My mom was just dating my dad way back when and Dad was doing something or other with his car and requested my mom’s help. My grandfather advised her against helping him with this, but wouldn’t elaborate more than to say “you won’t like it.”

Well, she didn’t like it. My dad got frustrated with the lack of help he was getting and yelling commenced and my mom scurried away in tears.

It wasn’t that Dad was abusive or anything, either. There’s just something about doing a project with a family member that should generally be avoided. It should be avoided ALL the time. The only times I could see good collaboration happening is in raising a kid, or doing things side by side, not together if that makes sense.

OK, imagine you’re building a model plane. You don’t want help building your own model, right? That’s just going to slow you down! They’ll have to find the piece after you take the time to request it, and then what? They’ll be bored while you’re gluing the piece on, right? They’ll be looking at you – staring at you – and you’ll get frustrated. And what if they don’t understand the piece you’re asking for?

It’s just easier to build it yourself.

It’s even more fun to work side by side though. The model plane: you’re building yours while they’re building theirs. That is fun stuff right there. I used to do that with friends all the time. It makes for good times.

So, my husband tip for you (or wife tip if you happen to be of the female persuasion) is to try and not get into anything that could possibly be frustrating just because you THINK you might need some help. You don’t. Trust me. Tack another hour to the project time and call it good. Because there’s nothing worse than getting into a fight over something ridiculously stupid like fixing a car, or building a kid’s pretend dining room.

Dad Tip #3: Watch TV

If you're like any other American adult, you're probably the kind of guy that enjoys watching shows that are violent or sexual, adult oriented at least. Maybe the shows you like would be considered boring by those of a younger stature. Shows like 24, the Office, Top Chef, Dexter, Lost, The Shield, Nip/Tuck etc. etc.

But if you're like any parent that wants to be a good parent you're probably willing to sacrifice those shows or maybe DVR them to watch later and watch shows like Dora the Explorer or Go, Diego, Go with your kid. If so, that's great. I've got some handy dandy advice for you.

Watching these shows can be pretty boring. Shown on Noggin or Nick Jr all day every day, there are many reruns but your kid won't mind. You may though and you may want to do something else while your child watches TV. This is perfectly understandable, but here's my advice. Your child probably likes watching stuff WITH you. They probably get some bonding feeling out of it, much like your wife might if you both watch something like Bridezillas.

So by all means watch with your kid, but you can shift your look at the show and instead of sitting there letting the images blast your mind away, take a look at it from an adult's perspective. Ask yourself engaging questions that a child would not usually ask and then you can talk to your spouse about it later.

Questions like:

"Where are Max & Ruby's parents?"

"Is Wubbzy and adult? If not, why does he own his own house?" This can apply to Spongebob too.

"Can you ever look at Fred Savage the same way knowing he's the voice for Oswald the Octopus?"

Don't be scared to watch your kid's TV shows, if you let them watch TV. I let mine watch TV and so far she's pretty smart. She can repeat a ton of the words you say and she remembers motions to songs, you can tell her to get something specific and most times she gets it, you can tell her not to do something specific ("Get your foot off of that.") and she'll do it. She's smart. Maybe Noggin has something to do with this.

KFC's Amazing Employees

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2008/12/11/2008-12-11_kentucky_fried_chicken_trio_photographed.html

How often do I post links in my blog? Not very often. I’d say a pretty amazing story would need to come through for me to link to it for your pleasure.

This is one of those articles. Go ahead and read it. I’ll wait.

…

That’s GROSS, eh? Not the fact that girls had been bathing in the sink but that they would want to bathe in a sink that others use to wash dishes or even prepare food in.

The garbage disposal in my kitchen sink often pushes up food that had been theoretically disposed of through the disposal. The dishwasher does something or other and it freaks out the sink and up comes all sorts of nastiness. But that nastiness is just food, food that I had eaten (well, not the EXACT food that I had eaten) so how gross could it be?

It’s still pretty gross and I don’t think the idea would EVER pop into my head naturally that MAYBE I should bathe in it.

You know who WOULD think of that?

Gross people.

Also, did you know that ladies are not supposed to take bubble baths as there has been a correlation shown between bubble baths and UTIs? So, if bubble – soap essentially – isn’t supposed to be in the bath with you, how good would all the stuff in THIS sink be?

The idea makes me shudder.

And yeah, maybe I shouldn’t post a blog like this because it reflects poorly on KFC (and Burger King too) BUT I think this blog SHOULD be posted and EVERYONE should either read it here, or tell their friends, send out mass emails, make phone calls, whatever it takes to get this out there and make it become mass knowledge. WE should do this so KFC learns the lesson that their restaurants should always have managers on duty. Always.

At least a shift lead. Someone who is making enough money and who has enough personal responsibility that they would not let this happen.

Because this just plain shouldn’t happen. The fact that it popped into someone’s head perplexes me to no end and to think that one of the chicks tries on a seductive face in the picture?! Look, little girlie, if you bathe with the Colonel, I know I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near you sexually (though you may smell AMAZING). That’s faulty logic on her part.

Meet The Buttertons!

Some vegetable oil spread commercial shows your typical Leave it to Beaver family in a black and white setting with a whole stick of butter in their potatoes, whole sticks of butter in just about everything and a condescending announcer says that we didn’t know then what we know of now about cholesterol and trans fats and as a result we can never go back to that.

Because we’re smarter.

But I say that while butter may be bad for you (what isn’t?) it sure does taste a lot better than any of that healthy or healthier oil spread any company is advertising. None of it tastes convincing and I frankly feel like I’m being ripped off.

I think FOOD is being ripped off.

There’s a reason that cooks like Paula Dean are so famous, that everyone is after a “home-cooked” taste. It’s because it tastes better. All the fat, all the grease, everything that will kill you but tastes amazing is what draws people back again and again.

Yes, Americans are having a tough time controlling how much fattening food they eat and their exercise programs so there is a shift in the balance toward the obese BUT the food IS delicious.

So maybe we need to rethink how we eat. I mean, what we have right now is substitution with no change in quantity or frequency. What we sacrifice in an effort to improve health matters while maintain quantity and frequency is taste. Without the taste, that itch just won’t get scratched. You will get full though from all that food AND probably overweight if you eat it every day.

So here’s what I propose. Use butter and whole milk and everything that they tell you NOT to use, but limit the amount of these meals to once a week or once every two weeks and then limit the portion. Whereas you might have just eaten chicken until the bucket was empty you can now say “two or three pieces and that’s it.”

For the other six or thirteen days eat healthy stuff. Lots of vegetables, grilled chicken, seafood, that kind of stuff. Sea salt instead of regular salt.

And exercise. Help yourself speed up your metabolism by exercising and not popping pills.

I think with this change, though radical, you’ll be happier. The taste itch is scratched, the other meals are healthy and if you cook like my wife does, they’re just as delicious (she can grill the hell out of some chicken and my god, it is DELICIOUS!) and seafood is awesome anyway.

Here’s a tip with the seafood though: there’s no need for melted butter. With stuff like crab legs, just eat them right out of the shell. There’s no need to dip them in anything. If you need flavor, pull the meat and shake your favorite seasoning on it.

So here’s to you, healthy America!

The Tucson Children's Museum

During our vacation to Tucson, AZ we went to the Children’s Museum downtown. It definitely deserves to be written about.

We pulled into the parking spot beside a beautiful building I would normally associate with California in the Hollywood section. Pretty trees, nice landscaping and a very… California feel to it. I liked it.

However, there were two homeless folks outside the museum. I couldn’t help but wonder, if you’re homeless, why would you want to go to a children’s museum? There doesn’t seem to be any logic to that at all. It’s one thing to hang out at a bus station or someplace that’s free and warm but outside a children’s museum seems like quite a stretch.

And, not to sound like a douche or anything, but it didn’t make me feel that safe about getting out of the car. Now, I know they’re probably great people who just had a bit of bad luck and they ended up where they were, but as a Dad, like I said before, I’m a protector first.

There wasn’t much to worry about though because between the time I got out of the car and the time I got my daughter out of the car, the cops had shown up and was writing one a ticket while the other waited for his. I guess they don’t mess around there. Again, not to sound like a douche, but I was glad.

Inside, Derrick at the desk wanted to know where we were from and how old our daughter was. We had to sign in on their welcome sheet and he remarked “Georgia? That’s pretty far away.”

Indeed, Derrick. Indeed.

The first room was specifically made for little kids. The littlest of kids. Of course, you may not want to bring your babies there, but if you kid can walk around and pick stuff up, they’ll probably have a good time in the room. It was designed like a rainforest with a Mayan temple you could build in the corner from lightweight foam block and once the temple was built the pressure of the blocks would press two buttons on the wall and red lights would flash on the temple. It was pretty cool.

There was a small slide that was what skateboards call a pyramid, where you have an incline that you climb and then a flat surface and THEN the slide down. Below the flat part at the top, there was a scene of plants and large plastic insects that you could see through plexi-glass. Annie wasn’t so interested in this though. She wasn’t really interested in anything that the museum wanted her to be interested in when it came to this room. She was content to stand in the middle and just stare at everything. I’d climb in some foam block builder things and try to coax her in but she wasn’t having it. She just wanted to stare.

And then these kids came in, kids way too old for the room, and started terrorizing the place. It was the kind of situation where you felt bad for the things in the room, inanimate things. Their parents were there on the sidelines saying “now Johnny, don’t do that,” but they said it without feeling and you could tell they weren’t really interested.

I hate parents like that. You should be interested and willing to put some feeling into everything you do for your kid, even if you’re disciplining them. ESPECIALLY if you’re disciplining them. If you need to be like “Hey! Johnny, you do that one more time and we’re going to go someplace with video surveillance!” even if it’s an empty threat, you do that. Go ahead. Unless you’re literally BEATING your kid they need to be kept in line when you’re out so do what you need to do. Just don’t break the law. And for god’s sake, watch out for little kids. I may be a protector but I can’t be right next to my daughter all the time and I swear to god if your nine-year-old who’s playing in the 2-and-below room runs into and hurts my kid, him and I are going to have words and if you want to join in, feel free. I seriously doubt there’s going to be much of a nice guy in that situation.

The next room was the train room, and man oh man, Annie loves trains. She loved this room too. There was a giant train in the middle of the room that had a giant tube running through it and Annie was happy as all get-out walking back and forth through the tube. I think if I made a similar thing for her room I’d never see her because she’d be walking all day.

She’d be wicked fit though.

Next up was the health room which was a weird room that had doctor’s coats, this cool drum that was connected to a handprint. You put your hand on the handprint and the drum beat out your heartbeat. It was awesome. But there was all sorts of weird stuff like a large Operation game. The thing was about the size of Annie. There was also a grocery store in there and Annie grabbed a shopping cart and started throwing stuff in it and then taking stuff out and then throwing it back in.

And these OTHER kids came in with the same kind of inattentive parents and this little brat walked right up to Annie, emptied out the cart and took it away. Instinct said grab the kid by the hair, move him and take the cart back, but I restrained. Surely his parents would discipline him for taking something that someone else was using but THEY were too busy playing Dance Dance Revolution (seriously). Good job parents.

Anyway, Kim was on me about talking too loud when I mentioned that it’s CRAZY THAT YOU CAN’T GO OUT WITHOUT SOME FREAKING BRAT TAKING SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE ELSE WAS USING and that kind of stuff. She shut me up pretty quick, but I was pissed. I mean, Annie wasn’t bugging anyone, she’s small as can be and here’s this little kid that you just KNOW is going to grow up to be a douche taking stuff from her. I wanted to tell her and have her understand that this is the kind of guy she’s going to see all her life and she is never to date them. Ever. But she’s not even two, so I’ll have to wait.

Next up was the dinosaur room. I’m a HUGE fan of dinosaurs, have been since I was a kid and I’m always interested in seeing them. If a movie has them in it, I’ll watch it. If a museum has a display, I’ll go to it. I’ll go by myself if I have to. I don’t mind. This room had dinos that looked real and more importantly, they looked like they could move. There was a fence between you and them, but you could tell by the joints that they could indeed move.

Now, when I was a kid and went to a similar museum, they had a holograph of a T Rex skull that looked like it was about five feet long and it was looking right at you. Of course it was flat but as I got closer I started getting a little nervous and greatly excited and my freaking mom grabbed me and shocked the hell out of me leaving me struggling for breath. Ever since then, if a dinosaur looks like it can move, I approach with caution and an ever present eye to the peripherals.

And they did indeed move. They didn’t move nearly as much as I thought they would but they DID move and it was fun to watch. Annie enjoyed it.

Yet, again, even MORE annoying kids came in and tried to ruin it. They went right up to the fence blocking the view, their parents were trying to take pictures of them and the kids were even leaning over the fence grabbing a T Rex’s teeth and all without any yelling ro warning. Look, I know this blog is coming off like I think kids should be heavily disciplined. I don’t. I think they should be disciplined accordingly, that’s all. And some freaking kid trying to climb into a dinosaur’s mouth is how things get broken, more visually intrusive fences go up and the distance between you and them gets bigger and bigger and less fun.

Don’t let your kid be the douche that is responsible for this.

The funny thing that happened though was one kid was trying to grab a tooth in the T Rex’s mouth and his sister says AND I QUOTE: “He’s going to eat you!”

And Andrew (his real name. Screw the innocent) said “I like being eaten!”

I thought that was funny.

It was a great trip altogether though. I had a blast and Annie enjoyed it too.

Anticipation For Guest Blogs!

A blog has certain milestones to be considered legitimate and the only one that REALLY matters is “is someone reading this?” That’s pretty much it.

And good for you for reading.

However, there’s one milestone that I always thought was cool and that was the Guest Blog. I never understood why someone would want someone ELSE to write for their blog, their personal blog that is (the 5th Fret has five contributing writers right now, myself included but it is not a personal blog). And yet, I’m super excited to say that I am going to host a guest blog from another writer out there.

It just so happens that my wife is going to be writing the guest blog to give us all BIG news so stay tuned to the blog and keep coming back for your daily does of Russ’ Random Thoughts and be on the lookout for a blog from her.

I know I’m excited to see it!

The Dream Rig

I’ve been thinking about, researching, tweaking, and swapping out various amps and pedals to make my dream rig, the rig that if I were to become famous (stranger things have happened) kids would go out and try to reproduce.

I’d like to share that rig with you and why I’d like it.

It starts with a guitar. My Gretsch 6118T is an amazing guitar. It’s comfortable, it doesn’t feedback unless I want it to, it is responsive and feels great. The frets are a comfortable size, the fingerboard is ebony and looks and feels amazing. The only thing I plan on doing is swapping the pickups. While I like the TV Jones Classics that are in it right now, I’d like something with a bit more output and a bit more hotness. I am NOT looking for super-hot, only-sounds-good-when-the-gain-is-cranked. I’m looking for a balance here.

The balance is hoped to be achieved by putting a TV Jones Powertron in the neck and a TV Jones Classic Plus in the bridge. I love the Gretsch sparkle, but LOVE to play dirty stuff and this just seems more up my alley. I also like a more Gibson-ey jazz sound so I’m hoping the Powertron is able to support that. I’m pretty sure it will be able to.

Then to the amp! A Fender Princeton Reverb clone through a 2X12. I think the Fender sound provides the greatest base possible for any sound because it has a great sound all on its own. I don’t need 100 watts. I don’t need 50 watts. I don’t even need 30 watts. I don’t need much at all, especially in these days of miking amps through PAs for live performances (assuming I’ll be playing live). Reverb is ALWAYS good to have, as an option at the very least. It’s great for recording and for bedroom playing, but obviously if you’re playing in a big room you may have all the reverb you want naturally. I REALLY like my reverb, so I’m betting I’d still turn it up.

So we have the guitar, amp, and pickups covered. There’s only one thing left:

Pedals.

Ah, pedals. Little boxes of joy. Toys for guitarists. Secret weapons in your sonic arsenal.

I love the attitude and response I received from Pro Tone pedals and was basically sold before I even started doing research on them, but now that I HAVE, I want my whole pedal section to come from Pro Tone.

And what would be in that section?

I used to think I’d like three distortion pedals, one for rockabilly “just a bit of hair on the notes” kind of tone, one that has balls-to-the-wall classic rock tone, like AC/DC where it’s distorted but in all the best ways. Clarity is maintained, but all the attitude and joy of cranking up amps is still there in the same package. I’d like a pedal with a metal tone too. Ungodly metal sounds. Kill ‘Em All kind of sounds.

And right next to these three distortion pedals would be a delay.

That would be all, actually. I know guitarists put all sorts of boxes in front of their amps and have wahs, and phasers, flangers (it’s the year of the flanger donchaknow), envelope filters, etc. etc. and honestly I’m just not that interested in that kind of stuff. I’m a pretty straightforward kind of player.

SPECIFICALLY, the pedals on the board would be a Digitech Bad Monkey which I already have. It’s basically a Tube Screamer and right now, it’s all I can justify for getting a sound I probably won’t use all that often. I love rockabilly, but I spend more time playing rhythm and chords than trying to rip out rockabilly single-note runs. It’s still nice to have though.

RIGHT NOW, both the classic rock sound and the metal sound would be supplied by the Pro Tone Body Rot II, which seems to be not only an incredibly versatile pedal, but one of the best sounding ones I’ve ever heard. Raw and urgent-sounding. Just what I’m after.

Now, if Pro Tone comes out with something more geared toward the classic tones, I’d be inclined to add that to the chain because I really like the idea of set-and-forget pedals where I know if I push the on button on this pedal I have Metallica and this pedal I have AC/DC and this one Brian Setzer. I don’t want to spend much time monkeying with knobs if I have the opportunity to play live.

The delay will come from Pro Tone too. The P.E. Delay specifically.

In all fairness, Pro Tone pedals are not the cheapest pedals in the world, but they are made by a guy who you can call and speak to directly or email anytime you want. Just writing back and forth I know that if I bought a pedal I’d have his support should anything go wrong and that peace of mind is pretty reassuring. The bragging rights of supporting a business here in the States is pretty cool too. That’s just an added bonus though. It also doesn’t hurt that they LOOK pretty awesome too.

And there you go. My dream rig. Pretty awesome, pretty versatile and equipped with just about anything you could ever want.

Filling That Big Ugly Hole Inside Of You

I watched an episode of something, I think it was called Toddlers in Tiaras. It showed a dad who was obsessed with making his TWO-year-old daughter a beauty queen.

Look here, Bub: your kid – and this may come as a shock to you – is a flipping KID. No kid should ever be entered into these competitions. Ever.

I understand some teenage girl looking for validation or maybe someone looking to prove they still have it or maybe even someone looking for scholarship money, but the difference here is that these people CHOOSE to enter the competition. Their mommies and daddies didn’t choose for them.

This behavior, I’m not even kidding, is absolutely revolting to me.

My daughter is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I’ve never been more proud, and to me (I’m sure others feel the same way about their own kids) she’s the prettiest, smartest, most awesome little person out there. She’s God to me and I’d do anything to help her and benefit her and I will not hesitate to die for her. I know this with such a certainty that frankly, I think it’s shocking. I am completely willing to lay down my life for that of my daughter’s and there’s not even a question to it. Just pure instinct.

And I’d do anything to protect her too.

That’s my job as a father, you know. To protect my kid(s). When they’re six or seven and want to watch a scary movie, it’s my job to say no way, Jose. It’s my job to give a good once-over to any date that comes to the door and scare the hell out of him with various means to guarantee nothing happens to my little girl that would make me take a lifetime trip to jail.

Parading her in front of judges for some sort of validation on MY part is NOT in the job description. I’m not entirely satisfied with myself as a person – I don’t think anyone is – but the holes inside me will never be filled by having my daughter judged in anything.

Anything.

And to think that there are parents out there who do this literally sickens me. They should have their parent-cards taken away from them and their kids should be given to people who want to have kids that they love and that will be good parents to them.

Fake and bake tans should never be ANYWHERE near a kid. Fake nails should never be near them. I take that back. I remember being a kid and knowing girls who used those press-on nails but that’s a little different than getting a professional nail job done, right? Styling your kid’s hair is something that does come with the territory, but hair should never be dyed, it should never be painfully teased and manipulated to make it bigger, prettier, and more cute in the eyes of judges at the expense of your kid.

That’s the big thing here: I can’t shake the feeling that this is ALL at the flat-out EXPENSE of your kid. That’s the worst part.

If my sweet little girl comes up to me at, let’s say age twelve and says she wants to enter a beauty contest, she can. She asked and she can enter it BUT there will be no dieting and a lot of the rules will still apply here. I don’t want her changing herself to try to be more desirable to someone else.

EVER.

That’s the biggest flaw with these contests, I think. These girls are out there trying to impress someone else and as a result they’re changing themselves to some preconceived notion of how THEY think I want them to look. I’d much rather have a beauty contest with girls who just get dressed up like they’re going to dinner. I’ve never gone to the Olive Garden and seen a sparkle-dress with a huge V cut down the front or back of it with a train unless it was prom night.

I don’t like beauty contests in general (I don’t know if that was obvious or not) but it’s one thing to see adults entering their flipping kids into contests. Oooohhh, and then freaking out about results? Telling your kid they LOST when they got a trophy? Isn’t that going to be the most confusing thing you’ll ever have to explain? “Yes sweetie, angel of mine at the age of only two, they DID give you a trophy as big as you are but it’s a pity trophy. Because you sucked.”

Awful people.

And the BEST thing about it is it seems to be a community unto itself. I have NEVER met ANYONE who would think it’s cool to do anything like this.

So many people say it is NOT OK AT ALL to do this, that I kind of want to go to a contest and ask the parents of these kids just who dropped them on the head or what exact phrase DIDN’T Daddy say to them as a kid. Something had to have happened.

Disgusting.

We're Breaking Up. We Can Still Be Friends Though.

It was pointed out to me that I spend way too much time on the internet and that PERHAPS I should look at it and ask myself if there’s anything else I would rather be doing with my time.

So I looked at what I do online and it basically comes down to two things: I write blogs and I post on message boards. I go to two forums pretty religiously, and a couple off and on. Just talking about guitars pretty much.

So I thought IS there anything I would rather be doing with my time?

The answer is yes.

What I’d like to do is read, play guitar, maybe do some studying when I start going back to school, etc. etc.

So I stopped going the forums. Not cold turkey, I still visit from time to time, but I’m not on them with nearly the same passion. I think this is the first time I’ve ever done something in moderation.

That’s a big deal actually. I’m very much an all or nothing kind of guy so the idea of merely lessening an activity and not completely stopping it kind of blows my mind. It’s something I’m eager to try out.

But the blogging will continue. I was tempted to disconnect myself completely from the computer save putting new CDs on iTunes and updating my iPod, but I didn’t think that would be very fair to anyone. I didn’t think it would be fair to you because maybe you like coming here to kill time. I didn’t think it would be fair to me because I actually get quite a bit of satisfaction both from this blog and the 5th Fret. I’d feel pretty guilty leaving my blogs and their readers.

Anyway, so that’s what’s going on. I woke up today, day one of my lessened activity, spent maybe ten minutes on the internet (a good chunk of that trying to find videos of the Orange Dual Terror and emailing questions to Orange regarding it) checking the forums and not posting much, then finishing a blog for here and then I went to the bathroom to play guitar. I didn’t want to wake up my lovely wife with my horrible playing and it sounds the best in the bathroom (the acoustics are lovely). That, and I was feeling kind of like annoying the neighbors. If you’re in the bathroom at the same time as a neighbor (either next door or below, it doesn’t matter) you can hear what’s going on.

So maybe I made their *ahem* morning ritual interesting with some background music.

And how do I feel with this lessened amount of forum activity? Pretty good actually. I already miss talking about guitars as much, but I enjoyed actually playing guitar. I’m very excited for tomorrow morning where I start my jazz lessons. I figure, if I’m going to wake up that early anyway, I might as well learn stuff instead of just playing around.