The Seeds Of The Male Mid-Life Crisis

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the mid-life crisis. God knows there's been enough jokes about them. The idea that a 35-45-year-old-man will snap one day and come hom in red convertible even though it's incredibly impractical to his by-now family life, the idea that he'll divrce his wife of twenty or so years and try his luck with girls half his age, the increible feeling of dissatisfaction.

And where does it come from? Does every guy have this to look forward to?

I don't think so. I actually think that the problem isn't as wide-spread as we are led to believe. I also have a way to cure it in future generations and a little insider-info on what causes it (according to me).

The quarterback who won the Super Bowl this year is 27. That's three years older than me. Patrick Stump, singer and leader of the multi-million ablum selling band Fall Out Boy is one year YOUNGER than me.

It's greatness that causes the crisis.

A guy can look around and see people about his age aspire to - and achieve - greatness, while he just kind of fades. He doesn't fade away, he's still very much there, but life isn't as he expected it to be. As he gets older, more and more people that are younger than him are rising to greatness, running multi-billion dollar companies, being famous rock stars, winning the Super Bowl, living out HIS dreams and he was always told that he could be great too.

Here's the cure. Parents, if you don't want your kid to suffer a mid-life crisis (which I don't think is a terrible thing, just something that needs to be addressed correctly and worked through like any other emotion or fit of depression especially) don't even tell them that they can be great. Don't ever say they can be the next Stephen King, John Elway, Eddie Van Halen, or Albert Einstein.

Of course they COULD be the next one and I am ALL for telling your kids that while they have infinite potential, maybe they need to realize that though they want it, though they DESPERATELY want it, they might not get it. It isn't in the stars for everyone.

Because kids do have potential, and I say go ahead and tell them that they could be great but don't just put their head in the clouds.

Imagine an empty landscape and one man stands alone in the middle of this landscape. It's flat, with nothing going on. He's the biggest thing around.

Now imagine skyscrapers ERUPTING from the ground and the landscape chnaging with blurring speed to something very similar to Manhattan. That's a mid life crisis right there. That guy who was the only thing around is now the smallest thing around.

That's pretty sad, right?

It's a sad emotion.

Football

I have never watched a football game all the way through in my entire life. It's a boring sport that rewards some of my least favorite personality traits and personalities in general. They are way longer than the clock says and football fans have a downright spooky commitment to the game.


I know this isn't uncommon, but my Dad would watch a game on Sundays and I'd sit there on the couch watching the clock tick down, stop, two minutes later resume, stop, two minutes later resume etc. etc. just waiting for the end of the game.


The end would come (sometimes without the clock even running down to zero) and I'd say "hey Dad! Let's go do something," and my dad would say something like "No way! The game's about to start."


What game?


"The game I was waiting for."


THIS IS NOT UNCOMMON! It is freaking DEATH for someone who does not like football! You were watching a game, waiting for another game to start? Just how long do you plan on attempting to grow ROOTS to the couch?!


MAN I do NOT like football.


And then Monday rolls around and everyone comes to work yelling about how their team won, lost, rubbing in someone else's face, someone rubbing it in yours, etc. etc. all while other people are trying to work. That's real pleasant.


But I watched my very first football game last night (this is obviously written earlier and then scheduled to release on the next available day which is February 27th. It's really February 2nd) and it was pretty great.


I had a good time and it wasn't JUST because I had money on the game though that was kind of fun, but it was a good game, I thought. All the way to the end.


Maybe it was just a really great game but I had a good time and understood everything after it was done. I understand the excitement. I understand the idea of wanting to feel that excitement all day long on a day off. I understand wanting to get together with friends and family and bonding over the games. I can even understand the idea of coming to work on Monday and yelling with your co-workers about it.

I literally feel like a huge door in life has opened up.

It's crazy.

Obama Mail

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/us/politics/01obama.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss&src=ig

How about that? Do you think that there are elected officials having popularity contests in hopes of obtaining the President's email address, even if they never plan to use it? Just to be part of the elite crowd?

I think this is pretty interesting.

And even more interesting to me is the fact that the President is using email, something George W. Bush decided not to do when he went into office because of the Presidential Records Act.

Which makes me think that this Act is due for re-shaping? Do we really want to access every email sent by the President should the need arise?

I just think it's cool there's a cell phone in the White House (and probably a laptop in the Oval Office).

Good for you President Obama.

iPhone VS Blackberry Storm

I love Apple. I just have to get that out there right away. I'm a huge fan of them, have been a huge fan of them ever since I first started typing.

I am also a huge fan of iPods.

And I like iPhones quite a bit too.

So whenever a company comes out with an "iPhone killer" I always chuckle. I personally don't own an iPhone but I have gotten the chance to play around with quite a few of them both pre-3G, and 3G and I think they're wicked cool.

The apps are wicked cool as well.

The new Blackberry Storm (new to some anyway) is Blackberry's attempt to kill the iPhone and I'm pretty shocked to say it just might work.

It's a little more big and bulky, I thought, when I got the chance to play with one on Friday, but the bulkiness made for an easier time gripping it. Holding an iPhone it didn't take long for me to feel like I couldn't type for much longer. I don't think I could carry on a conversation over instant messengers or type up a long email on an iPhone. It is thin, but being thin isn't ALWAYS such a great perk.

The fact that the whole screen is an real, god's honest button was something I thought I wouldn't like. Buttons wear down, become less sensitive and leave you THINKING you pushed it (because you know you pushed the button. You FELT the click) and it didn't register. But using the Storm, I really liked being able to actually click the button.

There are bummers with the Blackberry though, mainly that it is sold through Verizon who, though they have great reception, I have had absolutely HORRIBLE experiences with in customer service in the past. I will say (in all fairness to Verizon) that their store in Pensacola, FL next to Target on 9 Mile Rd had excellent service, but once I moved I experienced some of the worst experience possible in their Tucson, AZ stores, their Warner Robins, GA stores and even their central calling station where my wife was not informed that by tweaking our plan we were signing up for two more years that required NO signing whatsoever and they refused to let us out of the contract because of this. Those three bundles of experiences have left me feeling cold toward Verizon.

Other bummers include a lack of multi-touch technology, the fact that only one button can be pushed at a time and that, though apps are bountiful on Blackberries as well, they don't have the cool ones I see on the iPhone.

It's not like any of this matters to me personally. I'm not near enough the end of my two year contract with AT&T to think about new phones (though new technology always interests me) and the fact that the Storm is sold exclusively through Verizon means it is not applicable once I DO start thinking about a new phone.

Flight Of The Conchords

I wrote a blog about Flight of the Conchords a while back and it basically consisted of a plea to the majority of humanity to check the show out. It's hilarious in its own right, but I think musicians especially will enjoy the humor.

That said, this is not a "musicians only" kind of show.

It's hilarious.

And now it's back for season two! I watched the first episode today and thought it was great. I am a little curious what happened to the Crazy Dogggz but I'm willing to let that slide. I think maybe they wanted to tell a whole story in one season so if it got cancelled the viewer could walk away feeling satisfied.

I'm still really glad it got picked up for season two AND I can't wait for the album to come out. That is, if it hasn't come out already. I need to go check on that.

But watch the show people! It's a great one and you're missing OUT.

Wal Mart: When The Chips Are Down

In college, when you're allowed and encouraged to find a cause and be passionate about it, it was ridiculously popular to insult Wal Mart.

Because Wal Mart is a cancer in American society or haven't you heard? It took away all sorts of American jobs, ruined the main streets in Small Town USA, creates eyesores in towns, and supplies a handy place to get robbed raped or murdered in their parking lots.

I hopped on it, said no to Wal Mart and started doing my grocery shopping at Winn Dixie. The prices were higher but I thought I was doing good.

To an extent I still think was doing good, but I've mellowed out about all sorts of stuff in these last five or six years and now my thinking has shifted a bit in a variety of places, but Wal Mart is an important one.

I don't like to go to Wal Mart because it's not convenient to drive to VS Target. But when the chips are down and there's not a lot of money in the bank account, I will go to Wal Mart. You can't beat the prices.

Imagine (this one won't be too hard) that it's toward the end of the month and you have enough money in your bank account to get whatever you've budgeted for but you aren't exactly swimming in cash. Then you get a flat tire. Or something like that happens.

This happened to me early this month. My wife was driving back from a doctor's appointment and the tire went flat. She made it to the parking lot of a Tires Plus. Tires Plus charged us over 90.00 to replace the tire (the tire did need replacing) and it was their cheapest "we offer no warranty on this tire" tire.

But just last week the same thing happened on a different tire (the car needs new tires if you haven't gathered) and I took it to Wal Mart where the tire was 50.00 and you could get all sorts of warranties on it. The total with installation and everything came to something like 72.00.

I'm not insulting Tires Plus or anything, but times are tough. Too tough for me to go someplace that's more expensive just because I don't personally like Wal Mart.

And when I was looking through Wal Mart I found all SORTS of cool stuff. Stuff that would make me go back.

Here's an idea: Maybe Wal Mart should dedicate a section of the store to American-made products that don't have drastic reductions in prices that eventually lead to the manufacturer dying off due to lack of profit. Ask the manufacturer what price they would charge for the product, put the product on the shelf at that price.

Because face it: People are going to go to Wal Mart. Even when it just doesn't make any sense, like when you're only doing yourself and your country harm to do so, people are going to go. So offer some of America to them there too. I'm willing to bet that even at "high" prices that things would sell if they marketed it right.

The Ghost Of Your Past

Imagine as you grow up and become older that there’s something from your youth that is easily seen and how… interesting situations could happen because of it.

For instance. My fairly new driver’s license has the same picture the one before it did that was taken when I was about 17. My hair was long enough to be unruly but short enough to stand on end. The remnants of a mohawk that was having the surrounding area grown out is still visible and my killer’s gaze and slight smile are kind of disturbing.

You wouldn’t think that people would be interested in your driver’s license as it peeks out of your wallet on your desk, but people ARE.

And man, they have some interesting comments.

I don’t worry about it too much but I think that maybe later on down the road, when I’m 35 (a mere ten years from now) and my kids are wanting to see it, I wonder what they’ll think. When I saw my dad’s picture in his high school yearbook with his period-correct haircut and interesting clothes, I couldn’t help but laugh.

I KNOW they’ll laugh at my Junior haircut (blue hair in 8” liberty spikes). It’s not flattering but you know what? It was me at the time and I was having fun. I’m sure I learned all sorts of stuff from my teenage years that made me who I am and hopefully who I am isn’t so bad.

But I’m REALLY glad THAT isn’t my driver’s license picture.

How Did I Do It?

When I was a teen playing guitar, I was always plug in to play and I think I was pretty good at controlling the gain in the amp (the gain was always turned up as high as possible). I was playing all sorts of punk and thrash and never had a problem with unwanted noise or anything like that.

Now when I plug in and turn up the gain there’s all SORTS of noise and I need to relearn how to control it (and get my metal tone back up to where it used to be).

I just think back to then and I can’t think of anything special that I was doing. So what’s different? Well, I’m paying a lot more attention to details that used to not concern me at all. The type of guitar I play has changed (the physical guitar has gone from Les Paul to Gretsch hollowbody). I’ve broadened the spectrum of music I’m trying to play.

As far as the guitar goes, it is most comfortable to me. I’m unwilling to change my main guitar back to a solid body. They feel awkward to me. I’m sure I could get used to them enough again, but I’m comfortable with the big hollowbody and it gives a very different and refreshing (IMO) attitude when cranked up. It’s more raw if you will. I DO want to change the pickups to a TV Jones Classic + in the bridge and a Powertron in the neck. I think this will help out in my goal quite a bit, while still retaining that “Great Gretsch Sound.”

As far as amps, I’m still looking for a good base amp and then I’ll be adding pedals to the front of it to change channels so to speak from the amp’s jazzy clean, to a rockabilly “just a bit of hair” to a raunchy AC/DC kind of tone, to a thrash-tastic metal tone. Four tones, three distortion pedals, and a delay.

I need to play through my amps a lot more too.

I can’t wait to move.

Attention World!

I don't know if you get the show Wife Swap where you're at (which is nowhere near the show I thought it was going to be) but if you do, please know the families represented in the show are NOT a good representation of the USA.

On tonight's episode a mid-western woman proclaims that she finds the British accent annoying but hey "I've got friends from British so, you know." She did not know the word "symphony." She couldn't even pronounce it.

I think this car-wreck TV show method that is prevalent today in reality television is detrimental to the world's view of us if they are unfortunate enough to see it.

I also think we shouldn't be watching these shows and supplying the ratings needed to keep the shows alive.

Stop rubbernecking the car crash. Let's watch something with a little more substance.

Moms Need To Chill Out

WHY IS IT A CRIME TO HAVE AN ONLY CHILD?By NATALY KOGAN

You know those moms who are easy-going and just take parenting in stride?

I am not one of them.

From the day my daughter was born, four and a half years ago, I’ve been a little obsessed with doing the right thing, parenting-wise. For example, when she was three months old I went back to work, and, even though my milk began to dry up almost immediately, I spent 45 minutes, three times each day, connected to the loud monster (a.k.a. breast pump) in my office, my assistant watching guard outside and some male colleagues making cow jokes in just-loud-enough voices. My doctor, my friends, my mom, my husband and my assistant, who was probably getting tired of the daily watchdog routine, all told me to just chill and give it up. No way. I had this artificially made-up goal to make it to six months and I was going to do the right thing and get there.

I tell you all this to show how hard I try to be a good parent. But apparently, my husband and I are completely messing up our daughter’s life anyway because we’re thinking she might be our only child.

The questions from, well, everyone, began around the time when our daughter turned three. I’d meet another mom who would ask me, a few minutes into our conversation, when we were having another. (It was usually “when”, and rarely “if”.)

“Oh, I am not sure, we might just have one,” I’d say, only to see the other mom’s face turn into one of disbelief, at best, and instant negative judgment, at worst. This would be followed by a range of comments, from the passive-aggressive “Are you serious?” to my personal favorite, “I’m sure you’ll change your mind soon.”

I got the same response from an OB GYN I visited recently, after we moved. When I said we might have just one child, I was given a look that made me feel like I’d just announced I planned to leave that child starving and alone in the house for days. I switched to a different OB, but I kept running into women who made it sound like having an only child is borderline criminal parent behavior.

This is probably a good time to tell you that I am an only child.

If you’re conjuring up images of a self-absorbed narcissist or a total loner without any friends, I’m going to disappoint you because while I have my quirks and “issues,” I’m actually quite nice. I like people; I am pretty good at sharing, unless it’s a piece of delicious dark chocolate for which you might have to fight me; I love my parents dearly and don’t think they ruined my life by not “giving” me a sibling. O.K., I’m a bit of a perfectionist and can’t sleep if the house isn’t clean, but I have enough friends from large families who are the same.

The other day I told a friend that I am getting really tired of the presumptuous “more kids” comments and she told me to just ignore them and do what’s best for our family.

She’s right. But first I have to figure out what IS best for our family. As much as my husband and I have talked endlessly about the reasons why we think having one is best, this is a ridiculously difficult and emotionally charged decision, and I obsess about it all the time. I hear a friend talk warmly about visiting her sister and I immediately think about how nice it would be for my daughter to experience that warmth when she is older. I see my daughter play with a little baby at the park and my eyes almost tear up as I daydream about her playing with her own sibling. I go through the good-things-about-having-siblings checklist in my mind, and come out convinced that yes, we should definitely have another.

And then I remember all the reasons why we think we may just want one. Some of them I hesitate to share here, but most have to do with worrying about maintaining our sanity, our relationship with each other and our daughter and having any time for horribly selfish things like our non-family and non-work interests.

It isn’t that I don’t think those reasons are good enough, but that I am struck at how many others don’t seem to think so. Sometimes I wish that I had a more “acceptable” reason to give them. If I were older I could say that, well, we’re too old to have another. If, like during my childhood spent in the former Soviet Union, we lived in extremely difficult conditions and literally didn’t have enough means for another child, I could use that as a justification. But we’re young, we have the means and, on top of it all, we appear to have gotten this parenting thing under control – we’ve got no “excuses.”

Which doesn’t mean, of course, that anyone has any business telling us what horrible parents we are for raising an only child or for well-meaning folks to give us endless insight about how great our daughter’s life will be if only she had a sibling. (This always makes me want to start telling them about all the people l know who don’t get along with their siblings, hate their siblings, don’t talk to their siblings or swear that their life would be so much better if they didn’t have to deal with their siblings. Last I checked, sibling love isn’t guaranteed.)

Like other parenting decisions — to breastfeed or not, to let kids cry it out or not, to go back to work or to stay home — figuring out how many kids to have is an extremely personal process, but it’s also one that causes others to share advice and opinions without much invitation.
My daughter recently asked me why we don’t buy her a brother or a sister. I tried not to laugh at the buy comment and asked her if she wanted one. “Nah,” she said, “I like being with you and Daddy.” And for that little moment I had no doubts — whatever we decide, we’re all going to be O.K.

That was a pretty good blog, eh? Very entertaining. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a guy (I hear that this is a trait that separates the sexes) but I couldn't really care less what other Dads think of my my fathering skills. If they think they're stellar parents, let's wait thirty years and compare kids.

Not to sound cocky or anything, but looking at the kids of today, I'm pretty confident in my abilities as a dad.

Anyway, I got that comment all the time "when are you going to have another kid?" To which I'd say "we''ll see what happens." Life has a way of listening to what you say and making your life go the opposite direction. Life is kind of a pain like that.

It's nobody's business but the people in my family anyway, but saying so always seems so rude to me. If the question were to be pressed to me I'd say anything to get them to stop talking because that's all I really want.

It isn't like they care anyway.

That's the root of it all, I think. I KNOW that these people, the people that want to become part of your life to the extent that THEY'RE helping you choose the number of your kids, they don't really care. They just want to be BFFs and that's all. They want to feel like they're closer to you than the other people in your circle.

Armed with this knowledge you can keep them at bay AND maintain your not-joined-at-the-hip mentality.

"That's between my wife and I, really."

Or if you want to be a bit more sassy: "What do you care?"

Because if you say that last one you'll ensure a little ego stroke too if you're in the mood where your friend rattles off all the times they've been there for you and how close you never even knew you were.

Ah, but even if this ISN'T the case and I'm just blowing smoke, it really ISN'T anyone's decision but the people in your family (I'd be inclined to think it's only between you and your spouse) so why worry about it.

Why worry about whether your OB GYN (the person YOU employ) thinks you should have more kids? You can tell them exactly where to stick the duck-bill shaped thing. What's it called? A speculum? Just for humor's sake we'll call it a quacker. You can tell them just where to stick that quacker.

So chill out, mom-who's-worried-about-everyone-else's-opinion. Life is short and while I am a go with the flow kind of person, I am also the kind of person who is very quick to cut off any unnecessary stress. Like worrying about what people at Story Time think of Annie being almost two when her little brother/sister is born.

Just Me Being Hopeful

I think when you’re away on business (especially for the military) letters and correspondence is very important, both for the folks deployed and for the families and friends at home. At least, I hope it’s important to the friends and family at home.

I know for a FACT that every letter and package I got while away last time meant the world to me. I was in an unfamiliar place trying to get used to very unfamiliar settings and unfamiliar routines and the letters, packages and emails really did mean a lot. It didn’t even matter if it was just a card with no writing in it. There was some thought behind it and that’s all that mattered to me.

This time unfortunately I will not have nearly as much access to the internet so emails will not be able to be read and I think this is going to hurt quite a bit. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining or anything but it WILL suck.

It will also mean the letters received will mean that much more.

I was thinking maybe these blogs would be cool to those who know I’m gone (when I’m gone) because even though they aren’t letters from the field, they are new thoughts for you to read. Maybe you think it’s cool?

I’m hoping my WIFE thinks it’s cool.

Letters from out there all start to sound the same after a while. It’s hot or cold, can’t wait to come home, I miss you guys so much, the food’s good, you know, that kind of stuff. My wife likes to say that when I’m gone I write some seriously depressing stuff. I do. I lament my mistakes from my misspent years in college and blame these mistakes for me being gone from her right then. I write apologies for dragging her into this situation too.

I am just awful with letters from the field.

But maybe these blogs will be a good replacement of my depressing letters. I certainly hope so.

I feel like my communications home are going to be so limited this time and it sucks. SO I have to write a serious amount of blogs before I leave. Kim says she doubts I can do it. She won’t bet me because she always loses bets, but she’s pretty confident that I can’t do it.

Oh, but I’ll prove her wrong on this one and in the process give her a hopefully pleasant present in her Google Reader every morning.

I think she’ll appreciate it.

As for you, other readers, you may or may not know if I’m gone thanks to the ever-so-awesome scheduled post dates, but I hope you find some level of enjoyment from the daily blogs and the idea that they might be coming while I am gone.

I don’t know. To me, that stuff is cool. If Kim were in the military I’d count down the hours until her daily blog came out. I’d be VERY into that.

Fall Out Boy

When I was a teen, I was always in my room listening to music and the CDs that were always in rotation were Metallica’s Ride the Lightning and Garage Inc. Disc 2. These two CDs are mainly the reason I play guitar like I do and love quick chuggy rhythms.

But after these formative years, I discovered a lot of different bands and fell into a more casual kind of listening routine. I have not gotten wrapped up in a band since I was maybe 16.

While in Japan on business, I picked up a few CDs because I had some extra cash. I picked up Alkaline Trio’s Agony & Irony, and both Fall Out Boy’s From Under the Cork Tree and Infinity on High.

I didn’t listen to them until I got home though (I don’t have a laptop to bring out with me which is a MAJOR bummer when computers can house so much good stuff like photos, movies, all of your music and can be your portable entertainment center) and from the first moment I put in From Under the Cork Tree I was incredibly impressed. There are only two songs on the whole CD I click past which is pretty amazing. It’s as close to all killer no filler that I’ve seen or heard.

Infinity on High was incredibly different sound wise. There was less gain, and more funky feel to it but after a while it grew on me too and now I can say I’m a pretty big fan of this band.

Yes, there’s a ton of high school girls that are also fans of the band. I’m not so fond of this, but you know what? You like what you like and not liking something because someone you don’t like likes it is silly in all but the most rarest of cases. I’ll make the exception for some people though.

I’m excited to get their other albums, the new one (from Best Buy so it has extra tracks), and their live CD/DVD from Phoenix, AZ. My daughter likes them too music-wise, but she REALLY likes the cover of their new album picking out of a wall of CDs with NO problem (that girl has eagle eyes if there was a pair) and insisting on holding it throughout the trip to the store. I’m sure the day that I DO get it, I’ll lose the case to her permanently.

Anyway, their music stirs up all sorts of excited emotions in me and I really like it. I haven’t felt this invigorated with music in a long time.

Non-Dad Tip (Applicable Only If You Aren't a Dad Yet)

I know it's tempting to rush right into fatherhood and try your hand at being a great dad. I get it. But there are things you should do before becoming a dad.

What those things are you need to figure out for yourself because they're different for each and every one of us. These are things that are going to be difficult or impossible with children or things that will have to wait until your youngest is, say, ten to be able to truly enjoy.

And what you want is to be able to have a good time with your wife (if you're married) before you have kids so you have fond memories to look back on when you are looking forward to your future. "More of that," you'll say.

For my wife and I we really wanted to go to Disney World for a few days and a cruise in the Caribbean. We wanted it to be just us, enjoying the company of each other with no stress from the normal world. A time when you can put away your cell phone and forget about it.

That was what we wanted. But times have never been easy and we ended up having Annie before we could do any of that. We did have a cruise booked and mostly paid off before the AF decided that right then would be a good time for me to go into some formal training. We had to cancel the cruise.

Anyway, now that I'm a dad I look at these things to do and think of how Annie will react to them, how Peanut will react to them, and I'm pretty excited, even though I'll have to wait a little while to do these things.

So tip to husbands, or men in husband-like roles: figure out what you want to do sans kids and do them. You'll build memories, you'll experience things in stress-free situations. If you're a dad, it's not the end of the world, heck, you might even enjoy them more, but there may be a bit of a wait in line.

Valentine's Day

Ah, Valentine's Day. The day we all come to our significant others toward the end of the day (to allow time to go get the present you forgot) with stuffed burgundy bears and candy, and maybe a real present or two.

It's good stuff.

I don't even care that it's just a manufactured holiday created to make you go out and spend money at the approximated time that you would be bouncing back from Christmas' purge of cash. It's still cool.

Why? Because I love presents.

Call me shallow, I don't mind, but I do really like presents. Especially unexpected presents. I love it when my wife surprises me with something and it doesn't have to be big. If she sees a Wonka Bar somewhere (they're delicious) and picks one up for me, I'm pretty happy. It just means that she was thinking of me and cared enough to pick me up something.

It is certainly not the Michael Scott "I love you X dollars amount" mentality. It's just a sure-fire way to let someone know that you were indeed on their mind.

A preacher once told me to read a book called the Five Languages of Love and I was going to, I really was. I still might. But then he said I also needed to read Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti.

I'm not reading that. The title says everything that's in the book. If it ISN'T about how compartmentalized the male mind is and how mixed up the woman's mind it - about how men can leave work at work and leave situations right where they are while women let all experiences interweave and work together into a great big mess, then I am wrong.

Please correct me and I'll read the book.

Anyway, as much as I love Valentine's Day (or any present-giving holiday) I do NOT like waiting for the day to arrive. When I was a kid I was forced to wait until Christmas to open presents. The first year I was in the AF my wife and I opened up our presents on the 12th. Not because we didn't want to celebrate Jesus' birthday (I was still a religious person at the time) but because I didn't want it to be all about the presents and besides, have you ever gone to a party where the host gave all the gifts to the attendees? That's just rude.

So I gave Kim her Valentine's Day presents this weekend (the weekend of the 7th). She received Photoshop, two instructional books, one beginner and one advanced so she can work up to being an expert, some candy and a card about how no matter what life throws at us, I'll always enjoy the ride so long as she's right there by my side.

I still have to wait for Valentine's Day for my presents though.

I hope everyone has a good Valentine's Day.

A Confession And Possible Addiction

My wife often says to me “Russ, you spend way too much time on the computer.”

I guess she’s right, too.

I come home from work and check my email and boards taking approximately five or so minutes and then get out of my uniform and into my comfy pants (PJ pants) and then I spend the rest of the night with my wife and daughter. I really try to spend as much time with my daughter as possible because I really don’t see her that much and know that in a while, I’ll see her even less because I’ll be gone on business.

When I’m gone I often think of how much time I’ve wasted doing this or that instead of being with her, so I’ve really tried to change my habits. I’m really trying to be the best dad I can be.

But then Annie goes to bed and I’m on the computer with a quickness that has to be seen to be believed. It’s the kind of quickness where all of a sudden there’s a Russ-shaped smoke pile like in the old cartoons.

I get on and check my email and boards, maybe write a blog or two, check out the statistics of people visiting both of my blogs, and maybe poke around a bit.

My line of thought has always been that if I’m just sitting there clicking “refresh” or just surfing aimlessly then yeah, I would have a problem. But I do stuff on the internet and there’s always a purpose.

I think it stems from this town, actually.

If I do have a problem, it’s this stupid town’s fault. The guitar store count is ONE and the people that work there, though nice enough, are not really people you would go to visit with. No one in town likes the same kind of music I do and if I want to play with anyone that even has an inkling of the same taste, I’ll have to drive about 45 minutes north.

There’s nothing to do and no one to do it with and since music is a passion of mine, something I care about very much, being in this town feels borderline suffocating. And sure, some of you out there might be saying “it’s only music,” but music is VERY important to me and without it, or talking about it, or being associated with it in some way, I feel like… I don’t know, like I’m missing out.

I know it’s “just” music and I can LIVE without it, but I don’t want to. I’m addicted to music and that is fine with me. I don’t mind the idea of being addicted to music in some way or another. Even if it’s just two people talking about music I’m listening and probably enjoying it even if I don’t agree with what they’re saying.

And maybe it’s this addiction to music that caused me to go to the internet, to message boards, blogs and podcasts. Maybe I’m just constantly hungry for more and more music and music stuff. In almost every other aspect of my life the trend runs in a similar way of me becoming almost obsessed with something and it building up to an apex when it collapses and I walk away from the addiction. The duration of obsession varies but with music it hasn’t waned at all.

There have been times when I’ve been so unsatisfied with my guitar playing I’ve toyed with the idea of giving it up. I think that with the money I spend on strings, pedals, amps, cords, straps, picks, etc. etc. I could be buying music. But the love of playing swings back and I laugh at the idea of giving it up.

Maybe it’s the fact that there isn’t enough conversation and my hunger, my flat out HUNGER for this kind of talk can’t be met that causes my obsession to go on without climax. That doesn’t sound too far-fetched.

I definitely think that the problem here doesn’t lie with me, I don’t think I have a problem. It isn’t like I’m siphoning money away from my family’s grocery fund to get a fix and buy strings. I’m pretty practical and I understand that I can’t buy a new guitar every month, can’t even buy strings every month. I’m fine with that so I don’t think I’m too bad. I buy MAYBE six CDs a YEAR so I don’t think I’m too bad.

Come on, people. Have a heart. As obsessed with my music as I am, I am not SO obsessed that I’ve lost all rationale.

But as far as the internet goes, I don’t know. I guess I could have a problem. That problem is this stupid, ridiculous, waste of time glorified truck stop of a town.

I thought I lived in a bad place when I lived in Biloxi, MS, but this place makes Biloxi look like heaven. There I played music with people, the guitar stores (more than one) had quality stuff, and there was always someone to talk music with.

Maybe this had something to do with the fact I was in high school. Maybe when you graduate you lose all love for music. Maybe it had something to do with my dad who, even though he probably wasn’t interested at all in guitar or music in general was always there to at least pretend to listen to me rattle on about new models from different companies, what’s going on with this band and that band, and he’d give my music a shot.

Now I’m an adult and drive by myself to work and there’s no one to talk to about music.

Honestly the lack of people to talk about music to is almost CERTAINLY the reason that I’m driven to the internet so much but it seems like maybe I shouldn’t feel that push toward the internet if I was truly a well-functioning member of society. Perhaps ANY obsession is a bad one, no matter how controlled?

Sometimes I think that at least I’m not a car guy, spending all of my spare time in the garage hitting things with wrenches and completely disregarding my family.

*Sigh*

I don’t know. Maybe I DO need help. I can’t imagine a life that has anywhere near the same awesomeness if it didn’t have music in it.

Tiny Laptops: HP Mini and Asus EE PC

Tiny laptops seem to making a big splash in the market. It started with the Asus EE PC which, when it first came out had a 7" screen which is pretty cramped and has now come out with a slightly bigger screen to accommodate the user a bit more.

Apparently the demand for this tiny device, which used a flash hard drive and a Linux OS was great enough for HP to raise its head and decide to throw a model in for competition, the HP Mini.

My local Best Buy had both models and I toyed around with them for a little while.


If I had to choose one of the models, I would definitely choose the HP. It seemed, typing away at the keyboard and looking at the hinge that it had a bit more sturdiness to the package which is important for what kind of computer this is.

But what kind of computer IS this? The hard drive on the HP I was messing with was a mere 16gb and neither computer has an optical drive which means that unless you download absolutely everything over the Internet, it will never run as your sole computer. The option isn't even there.

This is surely meant to be a backup computer or travel computer, an auxiliary computer, or to-go computer. A commuter's computer. A web surfer's dream.

The small size means that it can go pretty much anywhere which is handy, especially in my line of work, but the lack of the ability to run as a sole computer is frankly a little disappointing. Everything is going to need to be transferred over to the computer some way or another, whether it be flash drive, or USB port or whatever other method you choose to use.

Out of the box, this is a great computer to lay in bed with and surf the web and type blogs (it would be an amazing computer to blog with). But with only 16gb of space you probably won't be storing your entire collection of music on this, nor will you be storing all of your videos or movies, any libraries of any kind and if you are using it as a student to write papers on, it would probably be smart to save them to a flash drive and import them to your daddy computer. That would be the primary computer, the one with the huge hard drive and disc drive.

However there is a way to make this a primary computer and it would only take a little bit of modification. My proposal would be to make cloth pockets with snaps or Velcro tops so they can be fastened shut. These pockets would be made big enough to fit in an external hard drive and an external disc drive. Hopefully the computer would be wide enough to accommodate the two needed accessories. Also, hopefully neither the hard drive nor the disc drive would require an external power source as well. That way both of them could run off of the computer's power and maintain the, you know, portability of the computer.

Because portability is why you buy this, right?

But then you start thinking of the price and your initial 400.00 investment jumps up to about 600.00 easily with the ability for prices to go even higher.

You have to ask yourself is that TINY laptop with these modification enough to keep you interested when you cross into the threshold of laptops WITH disc drives and non-laughable hard drive space?

All of that space you're saving in your backpack, the low weight of the tiny laptop, that all changes when you get the disc drive and hard drive so it becomes a wash to me. Which would take up less space? The 12" laptop or the 10" laptop with two accessories?

In the end, I would end up going for a normal laptop. I don't require a huge screen and the tiny laptops have always appealed to me but until they can squeeze in a decent hard drive and an optical reader (and maintain some level of ruggedness) I won't be interested in buying one.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you exactly which computer I picked to save up for.

HP Won Me Over From Mac

I'll be honest, Macs are cool. Very cool. And all the cool people have Macs and seem to be able to do a lot with them.

So it's with this caveat that I enter this blog.

I've wanted a Mac since I was about 14. They had come out with those colorful all-in-ones and I was intrigued. My dad, who read magazines like PC Shopper was keen on saying no to the world of Macs because "there's no software for them."

Even if he were right, I was 14. I wanted it to type papers on and surf the web. How hard would THAT be to accommodate?

Now there's a wealth of software for the Mac and everyone is very impressed. My dad put a toe in the water and bought an iPhone and is turned off from Apple all together now. He hates it. He is the first person I've ever heard say so about their iPhone.

I personally think this has a little more to do with the user than the system.

Anyway, So I've wanted a Mac for about twelve years.

In particular, I'd like a laptop. I'm on the road more than I honestly want to be, sometimes for long stretches of time and I want the portability of a laptop. So I've been PLANNING on getting a Macbook for about ever now, and to this day, I'd like one but I'd like the Macbook pro because of the illuminated keyboard and minimum 250gb hard drive.

I type in the dark often and the lit keys would help immensely.

However, the cheapest Macbook pro is 2,000.00 which is a little steep. About 1,000.00 too steep for our family (and probably steeper still).

So I started poking around HP's site and built a laptop with 3gb of ram, something like 300gb of hard drive space, and an illuminated keyboard all for just under 1,000.00.

I'm impressed that HP is able to offer this kind of stuff and these kinds of prices and I'm a little sad I'll have to hold off yet AGAIN to get a Mac.

But mark my words, one day I'll get one, just not anytime soon. I'm not too bummed either because the computer I'd be settling for is still pretty impressive. Yes, it isn't housed in an aluminum shell with a fancy touchpad or cool keys that are far enough apart to increase accuracy while not increasing TOO much travel, and the size is a bit bigger and there's always the fact that it's Windows, not OS X, but I'll definitely live.

Amazon Kindle 2

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00154JDAI/ref=amb_link_83626371_1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=gateway-center-column&pf_rd_r=0XZXK9RADVY8YN1Q1PEP&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=469548931&pf_rd_i=507846

Oh, happy day! Apparently the reception for the original Kindle was warm enough to create an updated version. Significantly sleeker, thinner, more ergonomic, and displaying a couple of changes, this Kindle is definitely different than the original.

Is it better though?

While I enjoy slender gadgets, I did not really think that it was in need of a redesign. I really liked the original. I still really like the original and if given the choice, I’d be inclined to side with the old one.

So let’s talk about big changes.

My best guess is that in an effort to slim the device down they got rid of the SD Card slot leaving under 1.5 gb to store your books on. Now, to be fair, that’s the storage space for over 1,500 books, but is that space enough?

The Kindle can play music and with that and your books, a mere 1.5 gb is NOT enough.

I liked the idea of storing specific books on cards too. For instance, in my profession I have a ton of professional books that would be nice to bring with me when I go places. The amount of pages is staggering, frankly and lugging these books around would cause some serious strain physically and worrying about them all the time wouldn’t be fun at all. The idea of having them all on an SD card is pretty sweet and the word-search feature would be more than handy.

That is my biggest complaint actually, is the lack of an SD Card slot. Expandable memory is where it’s at and both Amazon and Apple need to get in on this. Of course, then Apple couldn’t charge you a ton more money for double the space.

That’s MY biggest complaint, but surveying the web there are others and while I’m as sympathetic of a guy as you can find, some of the complaints are a little ridiculous.

1) It’s black and white. Some people say “We don’t watch black and white television, why should we read in black and white?”

I’m sure they were talking about illustrations, not the actual font.

Do you remember the first Game Boy Color? It had no backlight but the games had colors. The only problem is that the colors were subdued due to the screen’s natural color and the fact that there was no illumination underneath it.

You really WANT that? A great big washed-out mess? Straining your eyes to see what’s going on?

Besides that, it’s a book, not TV.

Now, there have been strides to developing a color electronic ink but the colors are washed out and the price would be towards and past the 1,000.00 mark. Do you want to pay 1,000.00 for an eReader JUST for color (color that hearkens back to the original Technicolor)?

2) No backlight.

This goes hand in hand with the first complaint, I guess, but it’s different enough to separate. Here goes:

You’re probably reading this on a computer, right? Find any website with a white background and LOTS of type, any site, or better yet, find a free book online (they’re out there) and open it in Word and read it. Read it for as long as you can.

While you’re at it, remember when you started and stopped.

I’m willing to bet that you could probably read for twice as long with much more comfort to your eyes if you were to read it on a screen without a backlight. It creates stress for your eyes and strains them. The contrast is better and sharper but the benefits are outweighed by the cons.

It isn’t an iPod, it isn’t a computer, it is supposed to be looked at as a BOOK.

The most common comment when you start talking about the backlight is that someone can’t see it at night. That is very true. Unless you turn on a light, you can’t see the words.

But they don’t want to keep their significant other up.

A small lamp probably won’t kill them and if it does they’re obviously too dang sensitive so hand them a sleeping mask and tell them to stow it.

If they INSIST on you turning off the light, use a clip on reading light like you can get for a real book. Five bucks and you’re set. No need for a backlight, no need for the strain.

I honestly think most of these complaints come from people who are expecting far too much for what the device is and what it was intended to be.

Those are the two BIG complaints, and the SD Card often falls way back in the priority.

I think this is entirely wrong.

Because of everyone’s unrealistic expectations, Amazon is going to cater to them and supply an eReader that now causes eye strain, less lengthy reading sessions, and a display that looks like the original Wizard of Oz instead of fixing the most important part (the SD Card Slot).

Now, I know I’m probably emphasizing a bit much for your tastes, but it IS important, especially is you subscribe to the still-costs-too-much newspaper subscriptions. They’ll fill up your memory quickly and reports say that there is NO backup for these on Amazon.com (like there is with your books).

Speaking of, the book count is over 250,000 books. That’s a lot of books. It is also not nearly ENOUGH books. There should be dedicated people making Kindle versions of every book they can get their hands on regardless of the size of the audience. Every book that comes out now should have an E version and Amazon should be working as hard and as quickly as they can to develop something that rivals the library of Congress with volume.

Next we come to price. The price of the device would not be nearly as hard to swallow (about 350.00) if the cost of the books was easier to deal with. 9.99 for a book might seem like a good deal for a book when compared to a brand new hardcover book that has no discount attached but I’ll let you in on a secret.

The Kindle is not a 350 page Hardcover book with premium paper. It is an electronic device that is merely displaying the appropriate software. Eventually you’ll stop comparing the price to a brand new hard cover and start comparing it to the current PAPER back version of the book that retails for three to five dollars more and say to yourself “Wait a minute. I hold in my hand a device that requires no printing presses or normal distribution costs. Shipping is borderline non-existant as we know it. Why are the costs so close?”

I hear that publishers are selling Amazon the ebooks at the same price as their regular books which, if correct is BAD on them. I know they’re looking to make more money but they’re shooting themselves in the foot in the long run. The potential, if the cost of books were low, for a person to buy books on whims whenever they want is ridiculously HIGH if they’re cheap enough. If they are NOT cheap, the whim will not be there and planning will be involved meaning you’re getting less money as a publisher.

Not only that, but you’re screwing the platform too because the costs of books and eBooks are so similar. The cost of the eBook should be 50% cheaper than the cost of the most current book which means if the hardcover edition is all that is out and costs 50.00 the eBook should cost 25.00. If the paperback that costs 14.00 is out then the ebook should cost 7.00. The prices would benefit the owners of the device and be enough of a temptation to lure in potential customers that are on the fence.

And speaking of the DEVICE, it costs way too much. Amazon should offer a stripped-down version for the people who just want a quality eReader. Here’s what I’m thinking: I do not want MP3 support. I do not want the ability to have the Kindle read to me. I do not want backlights or colors. I’m perfectly happy with gray. I DO want an SD Card slot.

If you can offer me a device for something close to 150.00 then I’d be tempted to pursue it. If the books and newspapers had costs that were more accommodating taking the technology into consideration THAT would be what pushed me over the edge to ownership.

But there’s still a ton of potential here, or at least, the same amount as there ever was.

I still think that this could be a great replacement to the thick college textbooks and their ridiculous prices, I still think this could be a replacement for newspapers so long as everything in a newspaper gets transferred to the Kindle including comics. I don’t care if the Sunday comics are in gray – I don’t care about that at all – so long as they are there.

Honestly, people, it has a ton of potential. It just needs some tweaks.

In Defense Of My Music

I'm getting more and more into the White Stripes and the Raconteurs. Both are great bands to me and give off the vibe of classic rock. Especially the Raconteurs.

Unlike classic rock though, I don't get bored listening to it. I doubt this has anything to do with the lyrics because I can connect the same way to both the Raconteurs and any classic rock band (save the song Broken Boy Soldier) which is very little. But the music itself is very classic rock-ish just with a little more urgency and garage feel to it.

In the song Broken Boy Soldier there is this buzz going throughout almost the entire song and man, it bugs me. And a lot of the time I feel like I'm listening to something just a step above a demo.

But what a GREAT demo! The songs are cool and that urgency is appreciated. Whereas a lot of classic rock bands seemed to strive for perfection and in the process lose the soul of it (my opinion), the Raconteurs attack it a little differently.

Now, I know nothing about them, but will say that it certainly SEEMS like they write a song, run through it MAYBE two times and then press record and what they record is what's on the album.

I think this would be a GREAT way to tackle things too. Artists are always saying that the recorded version isn't the be all end all version of the song and you need to come hear it live. Well, if the album sounded so rough then can you imagine how great it's going to sound like after the band has been playing show after show of it? They'd be a well oiled machine and you would see progress like you wouldn't believe.

OR you would see a band that is just as raw onstage and that's not really so bad either.

Basically what I'm saying is that you could go either way and be fine with me. Not so great production, but a stellar show, or not so great production and an equal show, where there's just raw energy to it all. Either situation is more than fine with me.

I think the only way you could fail at this would be to record an album and process it to the point of perfection where the ONLY option is to go DOWN in live quality, not up or even level.

Now, all that being said, I'm not interested in hearing ridiculously rough albums from anyone. The White Stripes and Raconteurs get away with it because there's obvious skill there and while the production value SEEMS to be limited, I can still hear what's going on.

Hugh Hefner's Girlfriends

Holly, Bridget and Kendra have been Hef's girls for a while now and I'm sure there's nothing sexual going on. At least, I don't want to think there's anything sexual going on. The mere idea - and it isn't allowed to progress past that point - makes me shudder and feel bad for the girls.

Anyway, those girls are OUT and new girls are in.

Twins.

While I think it's fine for a guy like Hef to have three or four girlfriends, I do wonder what the girls think.

Well, I wonder what the girls WOULD think if the relationship was indeed sexual and not so dang creepy. Surely at least one of the girls would be jealous over Hef's attention toward one of the others, right? I'm sure as of now, again, not thinking ANYTHING sexual is going on, these are just girls that are enjoying living in a mansion with tons of money and presents being showered on them. It looks like a sweet gig and I don't blame them for taking it.

However, I do have to pause and wonder about these new twins. I mean, Hef is calling you two his girlfriends, implying to anyone who will listen that he is INDEED having sex with you and that it's pretty sweet.

To be fair, these aren't the first twins in the adult business or anything, but I'm always wondering how they could stomach the idea of being sexual with the same person? If my brother proposed something similar (assuming he had a girlfriend of course) I'd flat out say no. Are you kidding?

That just smacks of grossness.

Yuck!

And I'm not passing judgement on the twins, I'm sure this is the best thing to ever happen to them and , you know, I doubt there's anything really going on, but I still wonder how they would feel if there WAS and Hef was a little more young and desirable to chicks.

Ugh.

Top Chef (Again)

I know you are probably a little tired of hearing me talk (or reading my thoughts) about Top Chef, but I wanted to announce to anyone who reads this why it's the best reality show out there.

1) The people are real. The cast does not include a "cast" in the traditional sense where it consists of a bunch of obscenely colorful characters, scripted angels and demons, and a bunch of ridiculousness.

2) I don't get the impression that anything is scripted. With a lot of reality shows you DO get that feeling, and if it isn't flat out "read what I write for you," I'm sure the producers are poking and prodding the interviewed to say the desired lines anyway.

3) There is skill. Food Network's show, the Next Food Network Star does a great job at showcasing people with little or no talent. This isn't to say they can't COOK, but there's o culinary skill there and in the rare contestant where it does exist, the whole show is pretty much a dog and pony show to get to the end so he can officially become the winner and get his own show(s). Watching the first season, there was no doubt that Guy was going to win.

Hell's Kitchen takes it one step up getting (for the most part) chefs that do this for a living, NOT mom fresh from the house's kitchen, but they might work for a retirement home, or Waffle House. The culinary skill is a bit more obvious, but it still feels very... I don't know. Amateurish.

But Top Chef consists of (again, for the most part) chefs that are either executive chefs at real restaurants or people that OWN their own restaurant. I seriously doubt that winning the show is going to blast open a ton of doors for them as they are pretty much already set up. It just seems like a good competition, not something where at the end you get a job at a fancy new restaurant owned by one of the judges.

4) There's drama, but not a ridiculous amount. Sometimes with reality shows you just get so sick of the drama that you turn it off. That never happens with Top Chef.

It's a great show and I urge anyone to watch it. I watched one episode during a lunch break once at work and was hooked.

Winning The Lottery

I definitely need to win the lottery. I spend way too much time at work and not enough time at home with my family. Even if you DIDN'T factor in the deployments and the strictly military stuff, there's the fact that I usually see my little girl for about, oh, fifteen hours a WEEK.

15 hours.

That's nuts.

Today, I wake up late because I'll be working late and Dora is on. I sit on the couch for a second and my beautiful little girl comes up to me, climbs o her little chair and onto the couch and sits in my lap with her head on my chest watching the show and I'm thinking "I have so much I need to do but I just can't bring myself to leave right now."

It's heartbreaking sometimes.

Ah, but if I won the lottery, I could spend all day with my little girl. I could help out my wife around the house, we could tackle education full time juggling time with Annie so that one parent can go to class while the other watches her because even if you never have to work another day in your life, there should still be a pursuit of knowledge in my opinion.

Hear that Annie?

No matter what, go to college.

Now sure, I know everyone would love to win the lottery and I'm sure there are other people out there who deserve winning borderline-free money (and lots of it) but if I ever won, I wouldn't complain or think twice about taking it. I have ALWAYS thought that I would be happier if I stayed at home with my family even telling Kim I'd be more than willing to be the stay-at-home dad if she wanted to work. Monotony doesn't bug me, chores don't bug me and life at home doesn't bug me.

Leaving my family to go to work, that kind of bugs me.

*Sigh* But this is being an adult. Doing what needs to be done for the benefit of your family. It's all very adult stuff, you see. I'm providing a good life (hopefully) for my family at the expense of not being able to be at home very much to see it.

Maybe You See Something New?

STOMR now has a search engine and it can search all of Google.

Just to let you know. There's little reason for a different homepage now.:-)

Samantha Brown

I don't know how Samantha Brown got her job with the Travel Channel, but I bet she loves it. While people who long to travel sit at home, loving her for showing her all of this cool stuff and hating her for the exact same reason (because they could all do it too, so they say), she's out trotting around the globe getting exclusive looks here, peeks behind the curtain there, crazy experiences and living out the dreams of millions of people.

And I don't think the job could have gone to anyone better.

While some people might attack this job with flair and quickly fade away in enthusiasm, Sam keeps trucking away, making every trip look like it's her first and her very visible awe is inspiring. She's cute, she's smart and if you wanted to go on vacation somewhere you've never been, you would probably want her by your side. She knows a ton of things and has so much fun wherever she goes.

I bet the few hours of sleep she gets aren't very restful, but it doesn't show. She's awesome.

I love Samantha Brown's shows. They would probably be a very welcome addition to military TV for the folks that are deployed. What could be better than sitting in a place you'd rather not be looking at a place you WOULD rather be thinking "maybe I should start planning that for when I get back"?

I know I would like that.

Oh, Toby. How Could You?

Yesterday I said that Toby Young, one of the judges for Top Chef, was trying too hard at first but seemed to be mellowing out (and good for him).

I apparently was wrong.

I'm wrong often, but I really thought that after the episode maybe Tom or Padma had pulled him aside and said "listen, man, it's just TV and we're really high in the rankings. There's no need to be that over the top or harsh. No need to try so hard. You're going to end up making a contestant kill themselves."

But I was wrong and in what is apparently true Toby Young fashion he liked a meal to that of Elvis Presley's life. An entire life equated with one meal. Stunning and impressive at first and then you die fat and drugged up on the toilet.

THAT is pretty harsh.

Shame on you, Toby.

Shame.

Would You Rather...

Shave your head once and get a tattoo on your entire scalp OR shave your eyebrows off permanently?


Ummmm... Being a guy I'd be worried about going bald and showing more and more tattoo off as the years go by.

But that's what hats are for, I guess. I'm going with the tattoo.

Top Chef: Toby Young

Toby Young made quite a splash wen he first introduced himself to us as the new judge on Top Chef (Gail had to go off and get married). I got the feeling he was trying way too hard for the first challenge. He was trying way too hard to be funny and modern so instead of saying jeez, this stuff is pretty bad, he'd say stuff like "Call the NATO inspector because I have found the weapons of mass destruction and they are here in this bowl."

And when something was a shockingly pleasant treat he didn't say "this is definitely something the chef should be proud of because it took me by surprise in it's greatness." He said "Much like Tom Cruise's cameo in Tropic Thunder this was a..." I had stopped listening by then.

The critiques of the food was particularly harsh though. He didn't seem satisfied unless he tore something to shreds and disagreed with Tom (?!?) about dishes.

Look, I know that Toby's from England where things are very different culinary-wise, but Tom's no dummy. He a guitarist that happens to cook and when you can both cook and play guitar you're obviously a smart guy.

Anyhoo. I'm pleased to see his attitude simmering down, much like sequels to great movies tap the vein of the original to make more money without making anything worth... You see how that can be annoying? I'm glad to see he's stopped that and mellowed out a bit. He can still judge, but he seems to have gotten the idea that I can watch a judge with no need of a three ring circus mixed with a Family Guy episode to keep my attention.

And with Richard gone (you're still the best from this season, Richard!) I'm cheering for Fabio, who seems to be an amazing chef and has the rare talent of saying things that, when someone else would say it, I'd say in response "What a douche!" but not with him. He can say it and you say "Hm. I see your point."

That might be a good quality to have!

Would You Rather...

When faced wth an attacking grizzly bear, be armed with a guitar made of solid maple OR with a saxophone?



As a guitarist I say the guitar, however I think if you can blow a sax enough to make it make a noise, that might work to your benefit.

Blues Clues

Last night we bought a DVD at Target of all of the BIG Blues Clues stories. The real mile markers if you will. Now, keep in mind that Blues Clues has been going on for more than ten years now. It hit ten in 2006 and in that time a lot of mysteries have been solved and my daughter is a HUGE fan of the show.

The DVD was on sale too. For seven bucks, we could watch all of the episodes that really stand out.

Like the episode where we meet Steve's grandma. Do you know who plays Steve's grandma?

Blanche from the Golden Girls!

She popped out from behind a tress wearing a green striped long dress and it was awesome! She seemed to fit the role so well too. She seemed like she would be a great grandma.

Or how about the episode where Steve goes off to college. This is the big one, honestly, the reason we bought the DVD. See, I really liked Steve because, while Bues Clues is too new for me to have grown up with, I watched some kids that grew up with it and Steve was always cool with me. This Joe guy... He's alright, but not the familiar Steve.

Rumors abounded after Steve's departure from the show. I had heard That Steven "Steve" Burns had become a coke addict and died of an overdose. This isn't true though. I found him on MySpace. He's a musician in a band. Apparently he left because he wanted to focus on his music and there were some other, slightly less-important issues to be dealt with. Steve was losing his hair and wanted to shave his head, but the folks at Blues Clues said no.

Anyway, I never got the impression that Steve didn't want to be at Blues Clues, didn't like doing the show and helping out kids. He always struck me as a guy who was having a good time doing a job that wasn't bad at all. So when the college episode rolled around and they introduced his brother, Joe, it was an interesting one. Blue's Clues that day ended up being that Blue wanted Steve to take a phone with him to college so they can stay friends.

How sad is that?

And then all of the characters in the show had a surprise going-away party for him and I felt like this was pretty sad for Steve. If he was acting, he was doing a pretty good job. He said he would miss Blue and everyone else and then he looked at the camera and said "I'm going to miss you too."

Then he went off to college.

Later, Blue and Joe are playing hide and seek and the phone rang and it was Steve who wanted to talk to Blue of course, but then he wanted to to talk to us and he said he missed us. It was pretty sad.

The DVD though, well worth 7.00.

Would You Rather....

If your life depended on victory, have to run a 100-yard race against a 6th grader OR against an 11-year-old dog?






100 yards isn't that much, but I think even a dying dog could beat me, so I'm going to have to go with the 6th grader.

I'd still probably lose.

Dad Tip #2

I wonder how many dad tips I'll end up writing. This one goes with the shopping list that I had posted previously.

Here's the tip:

You see pictures of dad's giving their kids baths and they're always on their knees next to the tub, arms outstretched, bellies resting on the narrow side, reaching for their kids. This can get pretty tiring on your no-doubt-already-worn-out body. Instead of doing this, roll up your pant legs (or wear shorts) and SIT on the side of the tub. You have much better reach and your kid is easier to grab if they start sliding away because they don't want to rinse out the shampoo.

Trust me. I have TRIED to give a bath "the normal way" but it is so tiring it's nuts. You end up walking out of the bathroom with your hand on your lower back exhausted while your kid is toddling around at your feet energized like nothing else. Instead of being tired and hurting, take my advice and you'll only be tired. Sorry, there's nothing I can do to cure that one. If I knew how to, I wouldn't be sleepy at 8:35 at night.

Would You Rather...

The rules are simple. Post a comment saying which you would rather do and why. It HAS to be one of the choices supplied, not some clever side-step of the question.








Would you rather spend a night in a dark cemetary OR in a supposed haunted house?








I'd rather spend the night in the graveyard. I think even graveyards have less spiritual activity then a house would. For some reason I think houses are always going to be more likely to be haunted than graveyards.

The Tool Academy

This is quickly turning into my favorite show.

A bunch of horrible boyfriends are lured to a reality show called Mr. Awesome (sounds like a real show, right?) only to find out it's really called the Tool Academy and that they are, well, tools. So now they have to stay there in the mansion and rehabilitate.

I think it's great that there's still an idea of rehabilitation here. You know what's really happening is these people are enjoying being on TV and they'll show up later for a brand new season of "I can't sink low enough!"

Not only are the guys complete douchebags but the conjugal visits (there are conjugal visits, by the way) are filmed.

So here we go with a little analysis: You are a girl who has a douche of a boyfriend and YOU think that taking him on a reality show to be broadcast nationally to break him and fix him back the way he needs to be fixed - by the way, kudos to YOU for being so smart and so willing to sell your emotional abuse as a commodity - and set yourself up for all sorts of embarrassment and if I thought for a second that anyone who, when confronted with the fact that the show's title is the Tool Academy and its purpose is to showcase how big of a douche you are, did NOT walk away immediately (just shut your mouth and walk away) had any kind of a soul I would feel bad for watching this.

But I'm fairly confident they don't have souls. I'm pretty sure they're fake. I mean, I'm pretty sure they're robots set up to entertain people like me.

But give it a shot. The show is hilarious.